// downpour of emotions!

the followin would be a pretty lengthy entry.


ma temp contract with fairteck holdings ended yesterday. and lina joined me for the last day of sales at the pushcart. towards the end, i asked her.. "we'd have chance to work again right?"


"sure we do!" she replied.


that really made me smile and ma heart, a lil warmer. i thank God for blessin me with such nice ppl in ma life. somehow, it just reminds me of ma internship days, thankful for knowin ppl like chris, cally, shelby, sohchin, serene. woo! (:

hehe. wonder if they still have these with them..

yup i will miss rachel and lina, for sure.


i cant continue ma contract with them because i was led to serve in another area. so.. friday will mark ma first day @ praise. its not a well-paid job, given the workin hrs and committment. but to me, i'd see it as a way to bless a sister-in-christ who's in urgent need. moreover, i'd be workin with beloveds like carlene and aunty jasmine! the experience im gonna get will beat the pay itself. (:


so here am i, on ma well-deserved one day break, pourin out all thoughts and feelings.


anticipation failed today. im stranded home now because im havin v bad sore eyes agn. seriously duno whats wrong man. i din even rub it the night bfore, yet it just got so bad this mornin. felt so sorry to have cancelled a meet-up with a fren whos enlistin really soon.


***

ma day ended off on a low note last night. after class, i rushed off w/o sayin goodbye to anyone. i just felt that i wanted to get home asap.


it all happened durin the NTU hall 13's pageant last fri. eileen (who was previously from TP), happened to be one of the contestants for the pageant. and i was so glad to have bumped into a familiar face!


"lezlie!! shes ma poly friend, eileen! we were of the same batch!" i exclaimed with excitement. you can imagine the kinda smile i was havin on ma face man. literally a :D


but i was crestfallen upon the response he gave. "oh isit? ppl in uni liao leh. then what are you doin here?"


ha-ha. i din know how to react you know. but after a quick pause, in a jokingly manner, i said "wah teacher, so now you're ashamed of me alr huh?"


the silence that followed was freakin awkward.


im feelin pretty overwhelmed by the emotions and all when i've decided upon this career direction. so after class, the girls raised the issue up with ma trainer agn while i was asked to lock up the makeup lab. when i entered the office, i passed him the keys and signed ma attendance. then jenn said, "see lah cher, you hurt a meek and fragile heart."


all i heard from him was, "she shld be proud of her own decision what!"


they continued by sayin "at different age, ppl see things and think differently........"


at that moment, i didnt think that i shld stay any longer, so i left w/o a word.


on ma way back, thoughts bombarded ma mind..


"proud of ma own decision? of course i am!" the only thing i din understand was, am i that deservin of sucha trainer who destructs a student's morale? so far, i dun remember anythin he said that is especially encouragin to me.


im only 20. i gave up furtherin ma studies, a campus life, ma social life, to go on a pursuit with so many obstacles i've to cross, be it financially or moral support from family. i even have to battle within maself, to ensure that things doesnt endanger my relationship with God..


i feel sorry for ma friends because i can hardly meet up with them. i miss all of them, but whenever they ask me out, what else could i say possibly besides sorry?

ma 1st and 2nd halves of each day.

feelin so tired...

yet each time when i see that i've done a good makeup on a person, i cant help but praise God for givin me an ability like this! still i thank God for those ppl he sent who encouraged me along this rough and patchy road. thanks lovelies.


thanks to you for even bother readin this lenghty entry, up to this very point. (: i know on whom i shall depend on, so feel happy for me.. your well-wishes and encouragements would do me just fine! (:

gee. power of long shutter.. (x

what would i be, if not for You?